I’m flipping through this book, Queer Love in Color by Jamal Jordan, and I’m taken aback by the love and joy in the pictures through the lens of people of color. I’m first drawn in by the cover, specifically the two older Black gentlemen posed in a loving embrace. I take this in for a few moments because although I work within the LGBTQ+ community and identify within, this is a sight I rarely see. Two Black men, and older men, embracing with love and pride. Those are my feelings as I take in their photo.
This book is a collection of love stories, of LGBTQ+ love, that stretches around the world. Stories from Chicago to Georgia, from Detroit to Jackson, Mississippi, from California to South Africa. Couples who because of their orientation have stories of struggle and acceptance. Some live in the places where it is wholly unacceptable to live their truths out loud, but are somehow finding a way, and finding love. Others tell their stories of acceptance early on and being able to develop the confidence to live their truths.
Before I go on, I want to briefly address the word Queer and it’s use by the LGBTQ+ community. For some it’s a reminder of a previous time where the word was full of hate and hurled at people to cause hurt and pain. The word in its beginnings referred to things unconventional or odd. Counterfeit money was referred to as queer. It was attached to homosexuals in the States maybe as early as 1914. Outside the gay community it was derogatory, not within the community. While later dictionary definitions referred to it as just slang, not derogatory slang, for homosexuals it took on the derogatory nature still when coming from outside the community. It wasn’t until the late 80s or early 1990s that community would begin a process to reclaim the term as positive, or as an acceptable identifier. The events of these times, particularly the AIDS epidemic, brought about change as groups such as Queer Nation took the name for themselves. Although it’s used with younger generations as the acceptable term, there are still persons who through experience find it offensive. For the purposes of this book, and in the context of loving relationships, it is positive and accepted.
Heading back to my favorite couple Mike and Phil, when I turned to their story I was struck by a detail of their introduction, “Together since 1967”. This is one of the reasons I love this book. The display of not just Black love, but also seeing longevity in Black Queer Love! My life example of that longevity comes from my parents who have been married 63 years. However, I’ve had no experience, have seen no representation of that love in media with Black LGBTQ+ couples. These two talk about every thing from their versions of acceptance and bigotry, their beginnings and want it known that in their 40+ years they have spent every night together, as a couple, as couples do.
“People gave me sh**, but people will always give you sh**. What I learned, from a very early age, is that you have to be strong in who you are, what you are, and what you think you want to be.”
-Phil
The importance of books like these is the introduction to people as themselves, with love and pride, and as human beings. I had my introduction in my teens through fiction books. Through author E. Lynn Harris I met some wonderful whole and messy beings in his books, particularly the Invisible Life series.
These books like Queer Love in Color, although fictional stories, gave us everyday people who do things we may all do. We meet our main character Raymond in college and follow him through his career as a lawyer. While we may or may not know his exact struggles, we can identify with going through something, how we deal. We can identify with his desire for relationship and connection. We are introduced to his supporting cast of friends and how friends become family with its own set of ups and downs. We see them all in their humanity, and maybe ourselves or someone we know.
This series occurs in the early 1990s and as mentioned earlier, during the beginnings of the AIDS epidemic. Ray’s best friend Kyle contracts the virus and a character becomes a connection to those inflicted. This was a time of people fearing those infected. Once again. In real life, not being connected to an issue caused a group of people to be shamed by society. Although these were fictional characters, and similar to Queer Love in Color, being introduced and allowed to see their humanity brings a deeper understanding to what happens to those with HIV/AIDS and their loved ones. We increase our compassion in getting to know them.
Harris’ books brought laughter and tears, times of talking back to the characters, trying to get them to understand why they should just be open and honest. Sometimes we read a book and see too much of ourselves and want to at least see the fictional version do better. This is what books are for, holding up mirrors to show us ourselves as we hope for better.
There a more books that touch on love and relationships regarding LGBTQ+ persons. I chose to discuss these because Jamal Jordan and E. Lynn Harris gave beautiful narratives of real and fictional lives of people of color. In my experience in the Black community, people like these are not supported enough, or allowed the full opportunity to live out their truths. These books from both authors found ways to introduce people like our neighbors, relatives, and fellow church goers, and friends who live and love like we all desire to be.
Years ago in a “book club” with my mom and sister we read E. Lynn’s books. I found people I could relate to, aside from them being LGBTQ. At times I saw myself. These books brought laughter and tears, times of talking back to the characters, trying to get them to understand why they should just be open and honest with themselves. Sometimes we read a book and see too much of ourselves and want to at least see the fictional version do better. This is what books are for, holding up mirrors to show us ourselves as we hope for the best.