BLOG
- Kate B.
- Wednesday, December 08, 2021
Share:
The carols, commercials, and TV shows flooding the airwaves currently want us to believe that “it’s the most wonderful time of the year.” We’re led to imagine that every family enjoys gathering together for a big holiday celebration – young children play well together, aunts and uncles engage in genial conversation, adult children and parents see eye-to-eye, in-laws welcome with open arms.
And yet for many people reality is drastically different. Expectations are high, individuals are stressed, loved ones yell, and blame, and spread guilt. Many find the holidays a reminder of how their families are not like those portrayed on TV and have only begrudgingly agreed to attend a family meal.
Scripps Health, an not-for-profit health care organization in California, recommends the following coping skills to deal with difficult family during the holidays:
- Adjust your attitude
- Have realistic expectations
- Keep potentially upsetting topics off-limits
- Accept that the only thing you can control is your reaction
- Don’t drink too much
- Get active
- Practice gratitude
- Practice tolerance
- Bring a happy reminder
- Take a deep breath – or five
If you’re looking for other resources to help you prepare for a more enjoyable holiday with your relatives, one during which past rifts are mended and current hurts are managed, consider one of the following books.
When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us
Letting Go of Their Problems, Loving Them Anyway, and Getting on with Our Lives
Published in 2003
Say This, Not That
A Foolproof Guide to Effective Interpersonal Communication
Published in 2013
"This simple, straightforward guide to effective communication is for anyone who has ever wanted to "eat their words." Do you ever feel that your words produce the exact opposite effect of what you were hoping for-escalating tensions rather than solving problems? Author of Emotional Bullshit Carl Alasko has found that with the right guidance, anyone can learn effective communication skills. In Say This, Not That, Alasko presents readers with simple instructions for what to say. and what not to say. Accompanying each pair of statements is a brief discussion of what makes one so negative and destructive, and the other inviting of the kind of discussion needed. This book is the ultimate resource for anyone who longs to consistently say the right thing at the right time. "-- Provided by publisher.
Coping with Critical, Demanding, and Dysfunctional Parents
Powerful Strategies to Help Adult Children Maintain Boundaries and Stay Sane
Published in 2018
"Do you have a parent who is invalidating, critical, demanding, or hateful? In this important and much-needed guide, you'll learn how to set boundaries; uncover the hidden motives behind your parent's behavior; put a stop to repetitive, hurtful interactions; and foster healthier relationships. There's no sugarcoating it--if you grew up with a parent who made you feel invalidated or unloved as a child, your pain is very real. In some cases, you may decide that you want to remove this parent from your life, and that is a valid choice. But for many people, dealing with a problem parent becomes a necessary part of life, for whatever reason. If you're one of these people, this book can help. If you've "had it up to here" with a parent who makes you feel as though you're just not good enough, this invaluable guide can help you put an end to toxic interactions while maintaining peace in your family" -- Publisher.
The Highly Sensitive Person's Guide to Dealing with Toxic People
How to Reclaim Your Power from Narcissists and Other Manipulators
Published in 2020
"Highly sensitive people (HSPs) and those who identify as empaths are natural targets for narcissists, emotional vampires, and other controlling people due to their giving nature. The Highly Sensitive Person's Guide to Dealing with Toxic People is a practical road map to help HSPs identify and deal effectively with toxic people-at work, in the family, in friendships, or in romantic relationships"-- Provided by publisher.
Your Family, Your Self
How to Analyze Your Family System to Understand Yourself, & Achieve More Satisfying Relationships with Your Loved Ones
Published in 1993
What More Can I Say?
Why Communication Fails and What to Do About It
Published in 2015
"Communications expert Dianna Booher provides an essential nine-point checklist for success in the art of communication and persuasion--for building solid relationships, and for increasing credibility in the workplace. With lessons from politics, pop culture, business, family life, and current events, the book identifies common reasons that communicators fail to accomplish their goals, along with examples and analyses of messages that succeed and those that fail"-- Provided by publisher.
Connect
Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues
Published in 2021
"A transformative guide to building more fulfilling relationships with colleagues, friends, partners, and family, based on the perennially popular Interpersonal Dynamics ("Touchy Feely") course at Stanford's Graduate School of Business. The ability to create strong relationships with others is crucial to living a fulfilled life and becoming a more effective manager and leader. Yet many of us find ourselves struggling to build solid connections at work, with friends and at home, or unable to handle challenges that inevitably arise when we grow closer to others. When we find ourselves in an exceptional relationship--the kind of relationship where we feel fully understood and supported for who we are--it can seem like magic. But the truth is that the process of building and sustaining these relationships can be described, learned, and applied. David Bradford and Carole Robin taught interpersonal skills to MBA candidates for a combined seventy-five years in their blockbuster Stanford Graduate School of Business course Interpersonal Dynamics (known to generations of students as "Touchy Feely") and have coached and consulted to hundreds of executives for decades. In Connect, they show readers how to take their relationships from shallow to exceptional, along the way offering time-tested strategies for giving feedback, negotiating boundaries, and navigating disagreements. Through stories of people navigating tricky moments in relationships--all based on real dynamics Bradford and Robin have witnessed or experienced--we see the six hallmarks of an exceptional relationship in action: authenticity, vulnerability, honesty, a willingness to ask for and offer help, a shared commitment to growth, and an ability to deal productively with conflict. Filled with relatable scenarios and research-backed insights, Connect will be an important resource for anyone hoping to improve existing relationships and build new ones at any stage of life"-- Provided by publisher.
When Sorry Isn't Enough
Making Things Right with Those You Love
Published in 2013
In this book, #1 New York Times bestselling author Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas unveil new ways to effectively approach and mend fractured relationships. Even better, you'll discover how meaningful apologies provide the power to make your friendships, family, and marriage stronger than ever before.
Walking on Eggshells
Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Their Parents
Published in 2007
They're Your Parents, Too!
How Siblings Can Survive Their Parents' Aging Without Driving Each Other Crazy
Published in 2010
Explores the challenging transition faced by siblings who become their parents' caregivers, offering advice on how to cooperate productively in the face of emotional upheavals, differing opinions, and conflicting responsibilities.
I Love You but I Hate Your Politics
How to Protect Your Intimate Relationships in a Poisonous Partisan World
Published in 2019
I Only Say This Because I Love You
Talking to Your Parents, Partner, Sibs, and Kids when You're All Adults
Published in 2002
A guide to communicating better within families explains how to untie the knots that often hamper important discussions and how to enhance personal relationships among family members by understanding the art of conversation and listening.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace
A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself
Published in 2021
"Healthy boundaries. We all know we should have them--in order to achieve work/life balance, cope with toxic people, and enjoy rewarding relationships with partners, friends, and family. But what do "healthy boundaries" really mean--and how can we successfully express our needs, say "no," and be assertive without offending others?"-- Provided by publisher.
It Didn't Start with You
How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
Published in 2016
"A groundbreaking approach to transforming traumatic legacies passed down in families over generations, by an acclaimed expert in the field Depression. Anxiety. Chronic Pain. Phobias. Obsessive thoughts. The evidence is compelling: the roots of these difficulties may not reside in our immediate life experience or in chemical imbalances in our brains--but in the lives of our parents, grandparents, and even great-grandparents. The latest scientific research, now making headlines, supports what many have long intuited--that traumatic experience can be passed down through generations. It Didn't Start with You builds on the work of leading experts in post-traumatic stress, including Mount Sinai School of Medicine neuroscientist Rachel Yehuda and psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score. Even if the person who suffered the original trauma has died, or the story has been forgotten or silenced, memory and feelings can live on. These emotional legacies are often hidden, encoded in everything from gene expression to everyday language, and they play a far greater role in our emotional and physical health than has ever before been understood. As a pioneer in the field of inherited family trauma, Mark Wolynn has worked with individuals and groups on a therapeutic level for over twenty years. It Didn't Start with You offers a pragmatic and prescriptive guide to his method, the Core Language Approach. Diagnostic self-inventories provide a way to uncover the fears and anxieties conveyed through everyday words, behaviors, and physical symptoms. Techniques for developing a genogram or extended family tree create a map of experiences going back through the generations. And visualization, active imagination, and direct dialogue create pathways to reconnection, integration, and reclaiming life and health. It Didn't Start With You is a transformative approach to resolving longstanding difficulties that in many cases, traditional therapy, drugs, or other interventions have not had the capacity to touch"-- Provided by publisher.