- Emily Barber
- Wednesday, January 05, 2022
My guess is that we’ve all had this experience: You’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious or confused about something, but you don’t want to talk about it. Either you’ve talked it in circles already or aren’t ready to bring it up with someone else. Maybe you know it’ll probably be helpful to talk it out at some point, but you just don’t feel like it yet.
In general, I’m a fan of talking stuff out, whether you’re venting to process something or getting help for what to do next. But as a frequent over-thinker, especially in these demanding times, I need to just exist sometimes. I’m sure I’m not alone in sometimes struggling to find balance between feeling lonely, craving solitude, and reaching out to people for support. Sometimes we don’t know exactly what we need, and it can take some solo time to figure that out. But how do we deal with the challenge of loneliness (even if it is something we chose this time)?
Next time you’re in that mood, I suggest this practice: List the loved ones you could talk to. I’m building on an idea that I heard in a podcast called The Real Question, in which one of the hosts said she’ll often write down everyone she could call when she’s dealing with a challenge. In general, making lists can be a calming, clarifying practice, and this version appeals to me because it reminds us that we love and are loved even when we’re absorbed in other feelings. It reminds us that we have resources we can tap into, and just knowing you have options is powerful.
To build on the basic list, here are some other questions you can consider:
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What might each person say to me about this problem?
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If I don’t want to talk about my whole feelings, is there a smaller piece I want to share?
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Who do I want to talk to for advice versus venting versus distraction?
For another #BrainBreak, check out these activities: