- Anika Thomas
- Wednesday, May 25, 2022
When the 2020 lockdown began to lift and our new normal beckoned for us to finally leave our homes I didn’t know what to do or what to expect. Information changed so rapidly, it made it hard for me, as a parent, to create consistency in my approach to COVID-19 so I reverted to basics.
Preparing to return to work and school, I reminded my son that we need to respect people’s personal space in general but with COVID-19 specifically, we wanted to make sure that space was 6 feet. To make it clear, I explained if you couldn’t fit the top of your bed and bottom of your bed between you and someone else, you are too close. My husband and I reiterated hand washing, and for a then 5-year-old boy, this reminder was likely needed anyway. We talked about eating colorful plates with yummy vegetables to fuel our bodies and help us be our healthiest selves. Noting carrots helping our eyes, leafy greens helping our hearts, and his favorite soy milk giving us calcium for our bones, I explained how overall healthy habits can help our bodies stay strong and fight against lots of big diseases and infections.
My son knew he switched schools for smaller class sizes allowing for social distancing, and his teacher even noted that he REFUSED to remove his masks and that whatever I was doing was working. I, begrudgingly, navigated no less than 1,913 questions about COVID-19 from my curious kid and I thought that we had a clear understanding of what we were navigating.
Imagine my surprise in January of 2022, when I got a notification that my son had tested positive for COVID. I pulled him out of school and explained to him that he was going to stay home with me for a while. Hindsight 2020, (we really, as a people, should revisit that phrase), I don’t think I said the words “You have COVID”. It wasn’t until I entered his room with a mask on, explaining to him to wear his mask when we come to his door that he asked, “Why?”
In true pandemic fashion, while on a call with a coworker, I explained that he had COVID and he needed to quarantine and keep everyone safe. The. Levy. Broke. My child erupted into tears that turned into hyperventilation accompanied by dry heaving, which resulted in him declaring that he was going “to just lay down and die.” Immediately in a panic, throwing COVID to the wind, I scooped up my guy and comforted him realizing that somewhere along the way, I instilled in him to be cautious to the point of fear and equated contracting COVID with death. His reaction was so visceral that I had to take a step back and examine some damage I had done and some ways I could fix it.
Here’s what I learned:
1. Be honest without projecting fear.
As adults, we know so much and are constantly processing information so that we can make the best and most informed decision possible. Children however sometimes need to be fed with a long spoon. I’ve now made it a rule to answer his exact questions as opposed to providing in-depth explanations that could overload him with information. Being mindful of word choice and tone it is also important to me that he leaves our conversations feeling safe.
2. It’s okay to not know.
Let your little one know that COVID-19 is an illness caused by Coronavirus. Let them know that doctors and scientists are studying and learning and to help us figure out the best way to live with COVID-19. My son is in the second grade and very into science so we incorporated a little bit of STEM by making a “hypothesis” with the information that we do have.
3. Give them the space to feel.
Creating space for big feelings can help children navigate them better and also prepare them to navigate them again in the future. Fear of the unknown, anxiety, sadness, and loneliness are all common emotional reactions to COVID -19. Leaning in and acknowledging those feelings can go a long way. I am careful not to say, “don’t worry” or “don’t be scared” and instead tried to say, “I know it’s scary but you’re doing great.”
4. Provide areas of control.
The anxiety around COVID-19 can be overwhelming and while I was honest about it being “a big germ” that keeps changing, I wanted to be sure that he had areas where he could be responsible and in control. This looked like:
- Wash your hands
- Wear your mask
- Give our friends and classmates lots of space (6ft or about as long as your bed)
5. Lean on your village.
Have you ever tried to teach your child something but then their other parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, or teacher says the same exact thing and they get it? Sometimes, kids just take better from other adults. My sister is an epidemiologist and in her nephew’s eyes, this means she is the best scientist there is.
- Tell your friends and family how you are navigating COVID with your little ones so they receive consistent messaging from the people they trust.
- If you notice areas where your little one is more anxious, let the grownups who interact with them know. This can help aid in reinforcing your positivity.
- Use community resources to help support your children in understanding the world of COVID. PBS Kids, The CDC, and The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychology (as well as Richland Library 😉) have plenty of resources to aid in guiding kiddos through COVID 19.