- Thomas M.
- Wednesday, January 04, 2023
Love advice and money advice overlap a lot more than people think. No, really! When you get down to the core principles of what makes relationships work, a lot of the same ideas pop up. Honesty, communication, quality time, and taking care of one another all matter whether you’re talking romance or bank accounts. Here are just a few observations on the topics of love and money, with plenty of research to back them up.
Don’t Be Something You’re Not
Honesty is the best policy. This is not new advice, but it’s worth repeating. Why? Because some couples seem to want to talk about anything but money, and that reluctance is hurting their relationships. An annual survey from Fidelity Investments consistently shows that couples rate themselves highly in communication but often do not know their partner’s finances. There are plenty of healthy couples where one person is more responsible for handling the money, and that’s fine. However, the lack of communication often leads to more problems than in the checkbook.
Another survey, this time from the American Institute of CPAs, shows that 73% of cohabiting couples say that money decisions are definitely a source of tension in the relationship. Nearly half (47%) say that financial stress has a negative impact on the relationship. In other words, couples may seem flawless from the outside, but their accountants know what’s really going on.
What are these surveys getting at? People pay a price for secrecy and not being up front with their partner. Everyone’s policy for when to share their financial situation is unique. Make honesty part of yours.
Experiences Matter More Than Things
What does it mean to treat your significant other? Going out to a fancy dinner on their birthday, buying them an expensive gift for an anniversary, or attending a front-row concert of their favorite act all sound like a good time. No one would feel bad about those options. Keep in mind that lasting happiness comes from experiences. San Francisco State University conducted a study that found exactly that. The joy of a shiny new thing can be intense, but it fades quickly. Experiences are irreplaceable and can solidify into cherished memories.
This advice can get topsy-turvy pretty quickly. What if an expensive dinner or concert includes a lot of experiences and moments that are memorable and enjoyable? Then you are getting a lot of bang for your buck, and that’s great. If an expensive gift is thoughtful, useful, or worn often, that’s great too. Make sure the price tag is not the most impressive thing about what you give your partner. Sometimes the most important thing about your quality time is that it is spent together.
Determine Goals To Shape Your Future
In romance and finance, goals can seem obvious. Financially, just about everyone would like to hit the jackpot overnight. Romantically, just about everyone would like to meet their soulmate and begin building a life with them. Those are not very actionable goals, though. A more useful approach may be to think about each subject in terms of short and long term goals. These, too, are similar between romance and finance.
In the short term, do you know what options are available to you? Romantically, do you know where and how to find singles in your area? Financially, do you know what kinds of jobs and bank accounts are available to you? Each of these journeys will begin with a single step. Know your wants and your value.
In the long term, do you have a vision for your future? Romantically, are you dating around or looking for something permanent? Financially, are you spending around or saving for retirement? USA Today recently published a report on what it costs to retire in every state, assuming retirement at age 65 and using averages for costs and spending.
There are no perfect solutions in love or money. Everyone will experience them differently. As long as you are honest with yourself and others, treasure experiences, and follow your goals, you will have a better chance at succeeding in both.
You can find many more tips about love and money from the National Financial Educators Council.
Thomas M. is a Certified Financial Education Instructor℠ (CFEI®) and has previously blogged about Talking To Kids About Money as well as recommended reading for learning about investing.